I fought with my husband last night. It is something that happens a lot. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I end up between my mom and my husband and it is always bad. Of course my mom doesn't know that we have been fighting more and more and always about her or the situation with her here. I just am not sure what to do. Because of everything that is going on I keep getting hurt. It feels like they are going to crush me to death. They both hate each other, something that both of them have let me know. They both hate living with each other. It is incredibly annoying. I wish it all would end, but there isn't really an end in sight. We are waiting for her disability hearing which could happen sometime in the next six months, hopefully. Her lawyers communication doesn't make me feel like he is confident though. I am worried about what will happen if she doesn't get her disability. Is she planning on staying with us forever?
Of course the other day made it sound like she was. She was talking about a craft fair that is this weekend and how we weren't doing it this year because we didn't have enough stuff built up in stock, but she wants to do it next year. Does that mean she plans on being around here until next year? That she plans on staying here forever? Living with us till she dies (she is only forty eight, she could live a very long time). If she is planning on staying here till she dies, does that mean our children will grow up and leave us before she does? Marcus is one...I can't imagine what he will be like if she lives with us his entire life. She is already teaching him to sneak candy, which she gives him everyday and is afraid that we will take it away from him. She already sneaks him all kinds of crap. This is something I think grandparents get to do. When the grandkid comes over they can spoil it, but when you live with the grandkid, it doesn't work the same way. It isn't like visiting grandma once or twice a week (at most).
I just don't know how it is that I am going to survive this. I don't know how it is that my marriage could continue to be under this pressure for a long term (it has been six months now) and not feel it for the long run. I know that my marriage is most important to me, I am just not certain what to do about it. This isn't something that our young marriage should have to endure, and I just don't know what to do. We have had a lot happen. On September 23rd we will have been married for two years. In that time we survived a horrible pregnancy, had a baby, moved from Michigan to Wisconsin, lived with strangers (though they were relatives), had a bad experience living with them, got our second apartment, had mom move in, had Peter move to Texas, spent three months apart, finally moved to Texas, and are now living in our third apartment (with my mom). It has been a lot to happen in two years.
Well...I guess...such as life.
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3 comments:
I have had a similar situation, where family was living with me. It was not plesant. They had standards very different than mine and never lived up to their promises. Sometimes when people use you over and over again, the kindest thing to do is to stand up for yourself and teach them how to live on their own. You can't do it for them, but you are not doing them a favor by giving them everything so they don't have to be responsible for themselves. It sounds like the same thing you are dealing with. In my situation, these folks were family, and it really started tearing my husband and I apart. We finally had to realize that our marriage was most important and we had to ask the family to leave. I wish you the best of luck, it's not an easy thing to do. I've been there. Our family members will forever resent us, they don't see that they were using us and providing nothing in return for all we were giving them. But it really improved our lives when we had our home back to ourselves. All the stress was gone. Good luck with this situation and God Bless.
To Falon and Aiden: I sometimes visit your site and I've been reading all your complaints about how unhappy and unfair life is for you. Well, let me just tell you. It sounds like you have too much time on your hands you seem to spend an awful lot of time blogging. Maybe if you spent more time cherishing your baby and being appreciative of all the help and support your mother gives you, you might find some shred of contentment with the blessings you have. Many don't have their mothers, many don't have their mother's help with newborns, and many can't have babies and many don't have husbands, and many husbands can't find work- you have what could be the start to a full satisfactory life, but yet you're unhappy? You also might find that your life will be a little more worthwhile if you actually participated in life. Get off this computer, nobody cares about your day to day complaints- if you feel that you need counseling, you should go seek help like the rest of the world. You also might find, that working as a team with your husband and attempting to bring in income might make your world a little more fulfilling,HEY, then you won't be around your mom all day, and since she is living with you til who knows when, she could save you a lot on daycare and you might feel some sense of pride and you might be able to someday afford the lifestyle you so desire. And you might actually feel good about yourself, like helping your mom during her time in disability! Where's your sense of compassion? You've mentioned how you fancy yourself as a writer, most writers read an awful lot, I would suggest some self help books to start with - maybe motivational. I"m sure you know that to be a writer, spelling and grammar are key, those are basic. You might consider taking some classes at an adult school - they're usually free - you may not yet be ready for college from the many basic mistakes detected in your writing style. To make money at writing you will need to write to a marketable audience- and blogging is just wasting your time and insulting your intelligence. The body of content has to actually be interesting and hold your reader's attention, so I'm sorry to say, but I sure hope that you honestly do not intend or hope to actually make money with what you write about. Autobiographies are written about accomplished people who contribute much to the world- you are publishing your diary which is quite frankly uneventful. So unless you are auditioning for a trailer park trash slot on the Jerry Springer show, you may want to change topics in which you choose to write about - most people prefer to read about things that are useful or enriching, or amusing,action packed or that touches their heart, or just simply something they find fascinating. You my dear are a bore. Also a quality of true writers is that they proof read before they share with the world. Have you never looked back at some the ridiculous stuff you write about yourself and become extremely embarassed? Have you no humility or shame? Your troubles are your own, you bring them all upon yourself and my only thought as to why you would possibly want anyone on the world wide web to read about your sad little world is because you want someone to offer you sympathy? SORRY, but you won't get that - everyone has difficulties sister, that's life. I guarantee you that NO ONE will treat you like a queen until you start treating yourself like one- get some exercise, you might find that you will have more energy and not need as much sleep. Being pregnant is not an illness, your body was meant to move - fresh air, exercise, eating healthy- this is all basic to maintaining a healthy body and mind - cut all the pop and junk food (fast food) from your diet and you won't be so tired and robbed of energy, get involved with the community- try helping others who are less fortunate than you, take your kid to the park, plant a garden, make some real friends, not just virtual(imaginary) friends, don't share so much about your problems, make some positive changes - starting with the way you speak (think and speak positive), clean your house, don't eat in bed, get outside and get some fresh air, be thoughtful and thankful towards all the friends and family who feel that you are worth their time, and love that baby. Be a little more respectful of those that support your laziness- it amazes me how you think all your complaints are valid, yet to me, and to the rest of us readers, you sound like a slob and somewhat abusive towards your family - definitely neglectful. Once you actually give a little, you will find that you will receive a little too. Nobody owes you ANYTHING. Life is what YOU make it, and from what I've read, you prefer to wallow in the muck and mire - very similar to a pig in maneur. Being a mother can be a rewarding job, and you are very fortunate to have a child. Being a wife IS a responsibility - your husband will someday resent and possibly retaliate against your laziness - I mean after all, you treat him like a dog! He works all day to support you, your mom, himself and your child (and the one on the way? ) just to come home and hear you whine about how your mom asked you to pick up after yourself and how tired you are?, he has to take care of the baby, and I bet you don't cook for him either - let me guess McDonald's every night? You should be working as a team with your husband, not sitting around on this computer all day every day. Show some respect. He is out working all day while you do NOTHING. For a young couple, yes it can be difficult, you are paving the way for your future- which in your daily despair, I predict a bleak outcome. It is extremely disrespectful how you take advantage of everyone you know and how you are so unappreciative. The way you've described how poor you are and all the various family members you've lived with - seems like you have had a lot of family willing to share to help get you started in the big bad world. But yet, you type nothing but negative, ungreatful comments about each of them. Have you ever considered where you might be without any of them? Do you think it's a picnic for any of them? It disgusts me just to READ about your day, I can't imagine actually welcoming you into my home or having to live with you- my guess is that you were asked to leave the homes of your family members. From the way you describe yourself and your day to day CRAP that makes up your world - you continue to burn bridges to the point where you will have NO ONE. I think it's time you grow up and start thinking of other people besides yourself - starting with that poor child of yours. -Good Luck
Interesting that the two comments on this post vary so much. Either way, I can't kick my mom out. No matter what. We can only hope that she gets her money and that she has more options once having disability money. Thank you for your sympathy and understanding though. As for the one that doesn't understand, I posted a reply...
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