21. Guilt Trip Continued

Last night there was a huge storm, the biggest I can ever remember seeing. I got up at about 1:30 to have a look see. I went to the dinning room and was checking it all, that's where my mom was. So, I started a friendly chat.

"Where should I live?" She asked.

I carefully tried to point out the benefits and disadvantages of each place. I really don't know where she should live.

"Mom thinks I should stay here in Texas so you can still take care of me."

I then tell her, that is certainly one option. She points out that housing costs a lot here and she wouldn't be able to afford it. To which I point out that there is income based housing.

"But then I would have to live with poor people."

Stunned I have no response. We have always fallen into that catigory saved only by a housing grant that allowed us to live anywhere. Top it all of she has spent a huge portion of her life "helping" poor people. When I was a child she worked for an organization called "Up and Out of Poverty, Now" which strived to teach the poor to get out of poverty. When I was a teen she spent sixty to eighty hours a week working as the director of the Community Food Pantry. But she has a problem with poor people? That was certainly news to me...

I say nothing, and sit in total shock.

"All the trips and traveling I want to do will be out." She says as tears begin to flow down her face. "I won't be able to go anywhere. I will be struggling to live once again."

I say nothing for fear of a fight. What I was really thinking is that she has no problem helping us struggle by asking for her debts to be paid above our own. Or by eating all of the fresh fruits and more meat then the three of us combined.

"I thought I had finally earned a time to have fun. I have worked so hard throughout my life."

I have always felt that she had worked hard all of her life. After all single mothers work harder then mothers with fathers. My dad had nothing to do with us, which made it worse. But she wants to have her fun while causing us a burden. Her hope is that she will get 879 dollars a month (that's what my brother got in death benefits from my dads social security which she will be elligible to draw on). She wants to pay us 200 a month and have 679 to buy yarn and go on trips. She wants that 200 to include all of her personal needs (T.P., soap, and such), her rent (ours is 759 a month even though the apartment isn't worth 759 and a large portion goes to her for her stuff and needs), and her utilities (why is it when I was a kid she would nag, complain, and charge us quarters for leaving lights and tvs on, but she does it all the time and doesn't think twice?).

This conversation went on further, all the time feeling like she was expecting, hoping, and trying to get me to say, "Don't worry mom, you can just stay here."

So, if she traveled would it be so bad? Could we live with our lives like this. Without use of the main bathroom or the linen closet. With our son sleeping in our walk in closet (which is just big enough for his bed and a couple of small plastic drawer units)? How can we all walk away feeling good about this. What about the fact that the TV drives me crazy and is on almost all the time. We don't see it since it isn't in the living room, but we hear it coming from her bedroom?