22. 9am Confrontational

I have said it before and I will say it again. I am messy. I can trace this charateristic back to rebellion. As a teen I felt nagged by a mother who was a perfectionist. My chores were never done well enough and my room was a disaster. During high school there were times when the floor of my room had so much stuff piled on it that I had to climb over it to get to my bed. It was actually mounded higher then my bed was. Today, it isn't quite this bad, but it is still pretty bad. The rest of the house is (was) also messy. I can follow that line of rebellion and see how it turned into habit and lack of self discipline. On top of it I married someone who was used to being picked up after (plates were cleared by younger siblings, his mother and sisters pick up after all the boys regularly). This makes for quite the mess around the house.

We have decided that we wanted to change this and become self disciplined.

The plan for our Saturday was to get up and clean the house so as to have company in the afternoon. The alarm clock was set for 9:30.

At 9am there is a knock and a, "you better cover up cause I am coming in." Then will little to no time to react in comes my mother to tell us that we need to get up and clean the house. Her tone is bright and cheery and her demeanor determined. After all she has "been kind about it long enough". I was angry. How dare she come in and demand that I clean my own house. How dare she have so little respect for me and my husband that she would barge into our bedroom. How dare she was to decide what are day was going to look like.

However, we wanted the house clean. So, we cleaned the house. She feels like she "won". She feels like we got up and cleaned the house for her. I feel frustrated, hurt, and angry, but she will never know because she doesn't like to think about what others are feeling and thinking.