Panic

We are rounding out 2007. It feels amazing that Thanksgiving is on Thursday. All the while it is frightening that this is November. My mom has lived with us since March. The hardest part has been dealing with the implications that has on my marriage. Considering the fact that her living with us has made her realize she doesn't like my husband, and at the same time has made my husband realize that he doesn't like her. It has been stressful to me none-the-less.

My biggest fear at this point is that she will be with us for a long time. I know that she doesn't really want to leave. She says that she doesn't really have very many issues about living with us. I don't know if that is true, or if it just feels safer here, or if she just likes the idea of her money going farther (after all if she paid to live here it would be cheaper then living on her own). I just don't want there to be any issues. I wish it were all peaceful. I wish that it would work out that she could live with us, but that just means more of this and of that. I wish that I could handle it. If I could handle it then Peter would.

But inside me is this panic that knows I can't handle it. I have so many issues. I don't know if it sis something that I could change or not. Definitely not if we remained in a tiny two bedroom apartment. But I feel this panic inside that says, what if she doesn't get her disability and she is stuck here forever? What then?