89. Nothing I Do Is Right

I seem to be upsetting my mom a lot lately. It is as if I make her upset no matter what I do. This is especially true if I don't make her enough food, or the right kinds. No matter what I do food wise, it is wrong. It makes me feel particularly frustrated and at times even attacked.

I know I shouldn't let the things she says bother me. But often I do. Often I feel wounded by what she says. Like I have been attacked and it has taken a toll on me. It makes me depressed and I have a hard time moving on from it.

We talked a little about it awhile back when she was commenting on my jewelry. She was like, "You used to get made at me when I told you, that you needed to practice to make your jewelry better." That wasn't quite what had happened. I didn't get made because she said I could get better. I was upset because she could never compliment me for what I had done, only tell me to keep practicing. It was like nothing I did was good enough. It still isn't most of the time. I told her that it wasn't about what she said, but rather how she said it and what she never said. She told me it was my issue, because I seemed to have a problem with her personality.

Well, whether you call it her personality or something else, her criticism and the fact that nothing is ever good enough for her gets on my nerves. It wears me down even on the best of days. It often makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.